FML

Well I am reverting back to my rather depressive posts. Gah so I gained a pound this week, but that wasn't surprising, but I did feel like I actually lost weight b/c pants feel a little diff - so I don't know if it makes since to say my fatness is rearranging itself! ha. Well a pound is only a pound so really I am not upset about that at all. I didn't go to the gym as much as I should have, so I take 100% responsibility in this. Plus my father bought a box (yes a BOX!!)of choco bars from costco because they are his fav, so yah I had 2 this week..blahh.

Anyways main vent comes from tonights mothers day supper. My grandmother has friends up from vermont for a few days, so they came over for dinner at my mothers house tonight. Keeping in mind I have never met these friends before.....My older sister (she's 29, blonde, 5'2', size 2) was doing absolutely nothing as usual, sitting etc not picking up plates, asking people what they wanted to drink etc. So as I was asking my grandparents friends if they were finished, I took their plates, and my sister raised hers as if for me to take it. Really peeved me off.

So I said, 'oh no my older sister can take her own'. To which the friends said 'oh older sister really, well I guess you have to call her that because you CAN'T CALL her YOUR BIGGER sister' (so double insult telling me I looked older and obviously fatter than her) AHH. The woman continued to say something else equally related to weight. Like seriously I wanted to tell her off right there, but all I said was 'yah i guess so' I can't take it, how rude, obviously I know I am fat. People always say stuff like that about the two of us, it isn't the first time. And I would say that it is just old people, but really it isn't. So what did I do? ate a piece of the cheesecake my mother had gotten, and put cream in my coffee instead of milk, oh yeah and had some wine. Like seriously I am torn between crying and screaming. Mad at them and mad at myself.

I guess this is really a vent, but really who can you really say this stuff to besides writting it down? It's not like I would say something to my friends because really I know they would just feel awkward and not know what to say to make me feel better. Because honestly I know I look completely different than my sister. I'm 27, 5'6", brunette and size 14. (she's 29, blonde, 5'2', size 2)FML. Whenever we go out, I know guys are looking at her, not at me, and she knows it too. As does my entire family. Honestly if we go out somewhere together my father will say 'oh that guy is looking at you', never does it occur to anyone that someone would actually be looking AT ME. And if they are it is because I am being awkward, or look terrible and everyone laughs. Ahh I know this is a lame post. I should stop before I get too depressive, but now I am. I can count on one hand the amount of dates I have been on, or people that showed an inkling of interest in me. That's not good. And I don't think it is normal either. I know I'm fat and not pretty, but I don't need others telling me it all the time too.

I should end on a happy note to be more uplifting, feel bad that I may be dragging people down. Positive note is that looks can change, but your personality doesn't. :)